Dear Anita,

I’m interested in becoming yacht crew. I’ve always wanted to learn how to sail, and having been on yachts my dad has chartered over the years, I’m sure I could do it. It looks pretty easy! Life is a holiday, eh? I don’t want to go to university, although my dad says I should; he wants me to be a doctor like my mum. They’ll give me access to their bank accounts, and I can stay in a nice hotel while I wait for the right job to turn up, so dockwalking isn’t necessary. Can I send you my CV?

Wannabe Crew

 

Hey W.C.,

Uh, sure, send away.

Anita

 

Hi Anita,

Here it is. As you can see, I’m well educated and have been head boy in my school and part of various school teams! What jobs do you have for me?

W.C.

 

Hey W.C.,

Unfortunate initials, kid. Anyway, I see from your CV that you’ve been in the math and physics teams in your school. I don’t see any sports. No interest in rowing? Sailing? Well, that’ll hold you back. You know you have to dockwalk to network, right? You don’t want to? How do you think you’ll get friends, then? What’s that, you want to buy them with daddy’s credit card? Oh, you freeloader… I see from your photo that you’re not only paler than my butt in springtime, you’re ginger. And scrawny. Hang on, how old are you? You look about 12. You’re going to fry under the sun and get wedgies. From the girls. You aren’t cut out for yachting. Listen to daddy and go to uni.

 

Dear Anita,

I’m an Australian engineer with AMSA tickets. What’s the best way to get the MCA to convert them into Certificates of Equivalent Competency?

A.E.

 

Hi A.E.,

Well, the sensible answer is to contact them and send copies of your sea time, testimonials and log book. However, in practice, I’ve found the best way is to write down what you’ve done on the back of a fag packet and send that — response time is more or less the same. Good luck!

Anita

 

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